does God really understand?

i've been listening to this song by the david crowder band lately. it's pretty simple lyrically, but the words "from wherever you are, wherever you've been, he's been there" have been speaking to me lately.

on one particular occasion, i was sitting at a stoplight with the song blaring in the background and wondered to myself, "does God know what it's like to wait on an adoption? has he really been here too?"

and immediately, this verse popped into my head:

"o jerusalem, jerusalem, the city that kills the prophets and stones those who are sent to it! how often would i have gathered your children together as a hen gathers her brood under her wings, and you would not!"

random verse, i know. but i imagine jesus overlooking jerusalem and desperately wishing that his people would not reject him, wanting them to repent and believe and return to him. and i imagine that he still looks at us -- all of us -- in this way now as we go our own ways completely ignorant of him. oh, how he waits patiently for us. oh, how he wants to gather us under his wings.

so yes, i think God understands what it's like to wait on an adoption. i realize all the metaphors don't completely add up (nor are all the theological intricacies accounted for). God pursues us, but he also waits for us to choose him, not only at the first moment of conversion, but every time we sin and have need for confession, repentence, and forgiveness. so as we wait for our children and experience the pain and frustration of waiting, i believe we can take solace in knowing that our God knows this pain and this frustration of so desperately wanting to gather our children to us.

and the winner is...

thank you all for entering the tukula giveaway! i hope you'll still consider buying whatever product you liked simply because tukula is an organization worth supporting. just so yall know -- i had hoped my husband, jamie, could draw the name for me because he can't see. i figured that would make this drawing completely legit because nobody could accuse me of cheating. but alas, jamie was at work (lawyer hours), so here are a couple of pictures so you know i didn't sabotage anything:

oh, and just so you don't feel too bad about losing to becca -- becca goes to church with me, and she's awesome. she's an adoption social worker and mom to 3 kids (one adopted from ethiopia)! she and her husband are rockstar singers. you should go read some of her writing at either the albertson debrief or the goddess mission (both linked on the sidebar). congrats becca! (can you confirm you wanted the greyish-blueish messenger bag so i can order tonight?)

there is no way...

...i could take you seriously as a person if you let your kid wear this:


this not-so-subtle-reference-to-poop shirt can be found here.

how you can pray

i had a moment at work today where i felt utterly hopeless about our adoption. i was thinking about how the boy clock hasn't moved since may -- 4 months ago -- and how even though time seems to be flying, i don't feel any closer to our kids.

in my despair, i sent an email to our case manager. i told her i was feeling hopeless and asked her to give me some idea of where we are in all of this. she told me that things are slower in ethiopia because more documents are now required to validate a child's orphan status before they become adoptable. she told me the wait for an infant is now one year. but she also told me she'd get back with me tomorrow about where our case is specifically. (i'll post if there's anything significant to share)

you can imagine i didn't feel much better after emailing with her. i could only think that it would take a miracle to get this process expedited and to work out all the details that need to happen for this adoption to be finished. and then my phone vibrated, and i got this tweet:

a miracle is when God does something that wouldn't happen if he didn't do it. -- cs lewis

oh, cs lewis. how i love him. but seriously, i had to thank God for the blessing and truth of this quote and how timely it was for me. you see, i struggle very much with prayer. it's not something that comes easily for me, namely because i'm a doubter and an overthinker. i often find myself in theological quandries about why God intervenes for some people and not others or whether prayer actually can change God's mind about a situation. and most of the time, i use my questions about prayer and how it works as excuses not to do it.

what i forget is that prayer is about God. it is not about whatever i'm praying for. that's what lewis is saying. by definition, a miracle is only a miracle by God's work in it. i think we get so caught up in the results of our prayers (which is why we all stress out when we feel our prayers go unanswered) that we forget prayer is much more than just results. prayer is acknowledging by faith that our God is powerful and good enough to grant our requests if he chooses. and because prayer requires faith, prayer is a refining process for us because it is constantly requiring us to ask ourselves if we truly believe that God is who he says he is.

and so when james says that the prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective, i don't know that he means it will change a situation or that our prayers will be answered as we wish. but i do think he means that our prayers are powerful and effective for our own good and for God's glory. so i'm asking you to commit with me to praying for some miracles for our adoption. i'm asking you to stand in faith with me and believe that God is powerful enough to override governments and timelines and paperwork and money. and to believe that God is good and gracious to enough to unite our family sooner rather than later.

here are some specific ways you can pray:

1. pray our referral comes by thanksgiving if not before. keep in mind that we have requested 2 children 0-42 months. this means both of our children could be over 24 months and thus not considered infants (which could mean less waiting since a lot of people want infants). we are open to that if those are the children God has for us.

2. pray that i would keep my job at least until we receive our referral. we are currently putting all of my earnings in savings to pay the last of our adoption fees and travel.

3. pray that we are disciplined with our money and that no major, unexpected expenses would arise. i have set up a strict budget for us to follow that should allow us to put away more money for travel. if we can keep up this budget for 3-4 months, we should be able to pay for all of our travel without using credit cards. (yay for no more debt)

4. pray for peace. i am already experiencing a bit of anxiety about flying. though i have flown overseas before, flying still freaks me out.

5. pray for our kids -- that they are having their physical and emotional needs met as best as can be expected while they wait in an orphanage.

i hope to continue posting prayer requests from here on out because i realize how much we need your prayers. but as i said, we don't need your prayers because we need this miracle. certainly we want a miracle and want our kids home. but we do need to know God more. we do need to be refined by the process of prayer.

(ps -- don't forget about the tukula giveaway! you still have a few days to enter! and later this week, i'm writing a post about foster care inspired by some great friends of ours. don't miss it.)

GIVEAWAY!

alright, ladies and gents! i'm hosting my very first giveaway.

want to know how much it's going to cost you to enter??



nothing! (so you really have no reason not to enter!)

here's what you need to know. i have been blown away by the mission of tukula. i first learned about tukula from my friend, leigh. leigh started doing weekly prayer updates about joe and melissa terranova, the founders of tukula, as they moved back to uganda and setup shop. the terranovas got a vision for tukula a couple of years ago when they lived in uganda. they came back to the us to process and to figure out how God was leading them.


they prayed. fundraised. moved back. hired 3 female tailors. decided to begin a water project to bring clean water to their community. and started selling some beautiful bags and clutches like this messenger bag (that i'm obsessed with):





their products are amazing, but the love they have for the people they are serving is incredible. i think what i like most about tukula is that the terranovas are literally fleshing out concepts like fair trade and social justice. those aren't just trendy buzz words but rather a way of life for them. oh, and they actually believe in fair trade and social justice because they believe jesus and the gospel. jesus and the gospel is really what tukula is all about. and because i've been blessed by their products (i own an awesome green carry-all bag!) and challenged by their vision, i want other people to be too.

SO, here's the deal:

i want to buy one lucky person a tukula product of their choice. all you have to do is go to the tukula website and a pick your favorite product. leave a comment on this blog post saying which product you like (make sure you include your name!) to get extra entries you can:

1. write a facebook status about this giveaway. include link to this blog post.

2. become a fan of tukula on facebook. if you're already a fan, let me know and you'll still get an extra entry.

3. blog about this giveaway. make sure you put a link to your blog post in your comment.

please leave a separate comment for each entry (so if you do all 4 things, you should have 4 comments). i will choose the winner one week from today! so get to spreading the word!

oh, and even if you don't win, i hope you'll still consider supporting tukula by buying a bag or making a donation :)

girl or boy

one reason why i want a little girl:




two reasons why getting two boys will totally "rock":





(and yes, i own both of these shirts).

(and also, i get in a bit of a conundrum about whether little boy clothes should be manly or cute. i think these shirts are trendy and manly, but then i have some other things that are more little boy cute. i think a variety of styles is good, but i really don't want to be that mom that dresses her little kids like teenagers. thoughts??)

all clothes courtesy of babygap. which actually has decent prices if you buy on sale.

7 months

today we have officially been waiting 7 months for a referral.

we are hoping we only have a couple (a few?) more months to go.

i don't have much else to say, but i did want to share this link to powerful words of truth.