how you can pray

i had a moment at work today where i felt utterly hopeless about our adoption. i was thinking about how the boy clock hasn't moved since may -- 4 months ago -- and how even though time seems to be flying, i don't feel any closer to our kids.

in my despair, i sent an email to our case manager. i told her i was feeling hopeless and asked her to give me some idea of where we are in all of this. she told me that things are slower in ethiopia because more documents are now required to validate a child's orphan status before they become adoptable. she told me the wait for an infant is now one year. but she also told me she'd get back with me tomorrow about where our case is specifically. (i'll post if there's anything significant to share)

you can imagine i didn't feel much better after emailing with her. i could only think that it would take a miracle to get this process expedited and to work out all the details that need to happen for this adoption to be finished. and then my phone vibrated, and i got this tweet:

a miracle is when God does something that wouldn't happen if he didn't do it. -- cs lewis

oh, cs lewis. how i love him. but seriously, i had to thank God for the blessing and truth of this quote and how timely it was for me. you see, i struggle very much with prayer. it's not something that comes easily for me, namely because i'm a doubter and an overthinker. i often find myself in theological quandries about why God intervenes for some people and not others or whether prayer actually can change God's mind about a situation. and most of the time, i use my questions about prayer and how it works as excuses not to do it.

what i forget is that prayer is about God. it is not about whatever i'm praying for. that's what lewis is saying. by definition, a miracle is only a miracle by God's work in it. i think we get so caught up in the results of our prayers (which is why we all stress out when we feel our prayers go unanswered) that we forget prayer is much more than just results. prayer is acknowledging by faith that our God is powerful and good enough to grant our requests if he chooses. and because prayer requires faith, prayer is a refining process for us because it is constantly requiring us to ask ourselves if we truly believe that God is who he says he is.

and so when james says that the prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective, i don't know that he means it will change a situation or that our prayers will be answered as we wish. but i do think he means that our prayers are powerful and effective for our own good and for God's glory. so i'm asking you to commit with me to praying for some miracles for our adoption. i'm asking you to stand in faith with me and believe that God is powerful enough to override governments and timelines and paperwork and money. and to believe that God is good and gracious to enough to unite our family sooner rather than later.

here are some specific ways you can pray:

1. pray our referral comes by thanksgiving if not before. keep in mind that we have requested 2 children 0-42 months. this means both of our children could be over 24 months and thus not considered infants (which could mean less waiting since a lot of people want infants). we are open to that if those are the children God has for us.

2. pray that i would keep my job at least until we receive our referral. we are currently putting all of my earnings in savings to pay the last of our adoption fees and travel.

3. pray that we are disciplined with our money and that no major, unexpected expenses would arise. i have set up a strict budget for us to follow that should allow us to put away more money for travel. if we can keep up this budget for 3-4 months, we should be able to pay for all of our travel without using credit cards. (yay for no more debt)

4. pray for peace. i am already experiencing a bit of anxiety about flying. though i have flown overseas before, flying still freaks me out.

5. pray for our kids -- that they are having their physical and emotional needs met as best as can be expected while they wait in an orphanage.

i hope to continue posting prayer requests from here on out because i realize how much we need your prayers. but as i said, we don't need your prayers because we need this miracle. certainly we want a miracle and want our kids home. but we do need to know God more. we do need to be refined by the process of prayer.

(ps -- don't forget about the tukula giveaway! you still have a few days to enter! and later this week, i'm writing a post about foster care inspired by some great friends of ours. don't miss it.)