Wednesday, June 30, 2010
5 months!
we've been waiting 5 months! i'm in the process of composing a post about ways to affirm adoptive parents. i wrote one, but jamie informed me that it wasn't very clear and not exactly to the point. so i'm re-working it. we're heading out of town tomorrow to hang out at the beach all weekend with our sweet friends, the littletons and leimones (missing yall, ladds!) pictures (and a new post) to follow.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
waiting
waiting on an adoption is weird.
some days i forget that we've been waiting 4.5 months. it feels like it's only been a few days since we got on the waitlist. other days i feel like we've been waiting years, and it seems impossible that we probably have another 4.5 months of waiting in front of us.
i think of our children often. i wonder what they look like. how old they are. if they are still with their birth mother or already in an orphanage. if they have enough to eat. if they have enough love and cuddles and kisses. it is very strange to dwell on someone that you know nothing about, and yet that is really the beauty about all of this: i love my children, and i know nothing about them. my heart just feels bound to them in a way i can't really explain. i know, it's weird.
when i get to work in the mornings, i always take my phone out of my purse just in case. i tell myself that today is certainly not the day we'll get our referral because there are still several families in front of us. but just in case...
sometimes i daydream about what it will be like when we finally get that coveted call from our case manager. i wonder how i'll tell jamie that we need to go home and get on the computer to see our babies. i think about how i'll call my friend, erin, and tell her the babies are here and we need her to take pictures of us seeing them for the first time. and i think about how i'll probably have my friend, leigh, on speakerphone freaking out with us.
i think about what it will be like to send an email to our friends and family introducing them to our babies. sharing their names (if we ever think of a second boy name). being able to say these are our children.
it often seems very unreal that at the end of however much waiting we will endure, there will actually be two little ones who will call us mommy and daddy. i think this is the one thing i envy about pregnant women. i'm sure it's still unreal to think that a baby will leave your womb and suddenly be yours to care for. but at least for those 9 months, your baby is inside of you, and you are affirmed everyday that this is real. and people around you affirm you too by commenting on how cute your baby bump is or asking about your due date or guessing whether the baby will have your eyes.
i guess what i realize is that many people still don't know how to talk about adoption as if it were equal to being pregnant. no, i don't want people to say they are the same because they aren't. but they are both equally valuable ways of becoming a parent. people can ask a pregnant woman a million questions about what it feels like to have a baby inside or what she thinks of public breastfeeding or if she'll deliver her baby naturally. but seriously, the minute an adoptive mom starts talking about attachment or racism or how there are 147 million orphans in the world...people really have no clue how to handle that.
if you're an adoptive parent, there are many people like me who understand the funk of the wait. i know that so much of the affirmation you have of your children is the feeling you have deep in your soul. and i know that people really don't get that or don't know how to engage that because we live in a society where pregnancy is normal, and adoption is...well, not as normal. i don't say any of this to disparage pregnancy because hey, i plan to at least try to be pregnant one day. i just pray that some day people can truly walk alongside one another in journeying to their children, appreciating the beauty and joy and validity of both pregnancy and adoption. and if you're not an adoptive parent, find an adoptive family to affirm today!
some days i forget that we've been waiting 4.5 months. it feels like it's only been a few days since we got on the waitlist. other days i feel like we've been waiting years, and it seems impossible that we probably have another 4.5 months of waiting in front of us.
i think of our children often. i wonder what they look like. how old they are. if they are still with their birth mother or already in an orphanage. if they have enough to eat. if they have enough love and cuddles and kisses. it is very strange to dwell on someone that you know nothing about, and yet that is really the beauty about all of this: i love my children, and i know nothing about them. my heart just feels bound to them in a way i can't really explain. i know, it's weird.
when i get to work in the mornings, i always take my phone out of my purse just in case. i tell myself that today is certainly not the day we'll get our referral because there are still several families in front of us. but just in case...
sometimes i daydream about what it will be like when we finally get that coveted call from our case manager. i wonder how i'll tell jamie that we need to go home and get on the computer to see our babies. i think about how i'll call my friend, erin, and tell her the babies are here and we need her to take pictures of us seeing them for the first time. and i think about how i'll probably have my friend, leigh, on speakerphone freaking out with us.
i think about what it will be like to send an email to our friends and family introducing them to our babies. sharing their names (if we ever think of a second boy name). being able to say these are our children.
it often seems very unreal that at the end of however much waiting we will endure, there will actually be two little ones who will call us mommy and daddy. i think this is the one thing i envy about pregnant women. i'm sure it's still unreal to think that a baby will leave your womb and suddenly be yours to care for. but at least for those 9 months, your baby is inside of you, and you are affirmed everyday that this is real. and people around you affirm you too by commenting on how cute your baby bump is or asking about your due date or guessing whether the baby will have your eyes.
i guess what i realize is that many people still don't know how to talk about adoption as if it were equal to being pregnant. no, i don't want people to say they are the same because they aren't. but they are both equally valuable ways of becoming a parent. people can ask a pregnant woman a million questions about what it feels like to have a baby inside or what she thinks of public breastfeeding or if she'll deliver her baby naturally. but seriously, the minute an adoptive mom starts talking about attachment or racism or how there are 147 million orphans in the world...people really have no clue how to handle that.
if you're an adoptive parent, there are many people like me who understand the funk of the wait. i know that so much of the affirmation you have of your children is the feeling you have deep in your soul. and i know that people really don't get that or don't know how to engage that because we live in a society where pregnancy is normal, and adoption is...well, not as normal. i don't say any of this to disparage pregnancy because hey, i plan to at least try to be pregnant one day. i just pray that some day people can truly walk alongside one another in journeying to their children, appreciating the beauty and joy and validity of both pregnancy and adoption. and if you're not an adoptive parent, find an adoptive family to affirm today!
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
4 months
they're cutie pies, right?
as much as i love these munchkins, i can't wait to have 2 of my own to add to the bunch.
and we've been waiting now 4 months.
someone told me recently they heard we're adopting because we're concerned about passing on jamie's disability. i was a little jolted because we've been trying hard to explain that adoption is a choice we have made because we want to adopt. it has nothing to do with any other external factor, including jamie's disability. i don't think people realize how offensive it is to jamie and to our children to suggest that we're only adopting because we're scared our biological kids might have RP (retinitis pigmentosa).
it's offensive to jamie because it suggests it'd be understandable (perhaps even beneficial) if people like him -- people who can't see -- didn't produce anymore people who can't see. it suggests that being a person with a disability is a curse or an affliction or an unnecessary suffering that one wouldn't want to pass on to someone else. and it also suggests that the significance of a person is found solely in their ability to see, or walk, or hear, or think.
but it's offensive to our adopted children because it suggests they are some kind of second choice or last resort -- an option we had to choose because we didn't want to take the risk of having a biological child. seriously, you will never know how much our society emphasizes biology and genetics until you (1) choose to adopt before even trying to have biological children and (2) choose to adopt when one parent has a disability. many people won't get why you don't want to pass on your genes if you adopt first; many others will simply assume you don't want to pass on your "bad" genes if you choose to adopt when one parent has a disability. it's really pretty ridiculous because nobody actually thinks that people simply want to adopt.
and quite honestly, i want to adopt a blind kid one day. so there.
and also, for those who are wondering how the whole "blind dad" thing is going to work, i'd like to write a blog post sometime about how having one parent with a disability isn't really that different. there are some unique aspects, but life looks pretty much the same, which is really what people should understand about living with a disability. but for now, i leave you with proof that jamie is going to be the most awesome dad in the world.
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