i had my first real cry in months about our adoption the other night. i had a lot of emotions welling up in me, and they weren't necessarily about the long wait. they were about adoption and how i feel about doing it and how i feel about how other people feel about us doing it. i try to be honest on here about how i feel, and yet i think i end up sharing more of my opinions than my feelings. my friend, leigh, inspires me because she really is honest about how she feels. she'll tell you straight up when she's hurt or when she's missing her kids or when she's feeling misunderstood (and i think my motivation for writing tonight is her blog post from today).
i often fear that when i try to articulate what it's like to be a first-time parent through adoption in a preggo-centered universe, people go away thinking i hate pregnancy and bio kids or that i secretly wish i were pregnant and am manifesting that desire by being bitter towards pregnant women or that i think all people who have bio kids must not care about orphans. i want to clearly articulate that none of these things are true. the truth is, i am just so, so, so tired of having my experience of becoming a parent be discounted because it is not "normal" (apologies now that this post sounds like i have regressed since writing a post about affirming adoptive families. but i'm realizing that no matter how much i tell people what all this feels like and what we need to feel supported, people aren't going to listen and really understand until something clicks in their brain). i'm so tired of having our adoption have to somehow revolve back around the experience of pregnancy when people observe that we're in our third trimester because we've been waiting 6 months or basically just whenever someone says, "oh, so i guess it's a lot like when you're pregnant and..." i often want to scream that i have never been pregnant, and while i understand the general concept because i understand the basic premise of being pregnant, i have never experienced pregnancy and thus all of those metaphors are really lost on me. i just for once wish that our adoption could be seen for what it truly is -- an adoption -- and not be compared to something else or seen through the lens of something else or assimilated to some other more typical experience.
i have asked jamie whether these kinds of things bother him, and based on his thoughts, i think a woman just experiences this (and by this, i mean becoming a parent through adoption before pregnancy) differently than her husband. what is at stake here, in some sense, is the female body and what it was apparently intended for. as much as we have chosen adoption and feel as though we have answered a calling on our life, i so often look at myself and feel inadequate and embarrassed because i'm not using my body for what everyone is telling me it's meant for. i read all these christian mom blogs where these women talk incessantly about how pregnancy and giving birth are the most feminine things a woman can do. and suddenly, i am alienated and feel like a total freak show because my desire is not really for a child of my womb but a child from outside of it -- a child who grew in someone else's womb and, because of many painful circumstances, will become my child because we are cosmically tied in this great story of love and loss. and because of all these things, i grieve everytime i have to hear someone talk about their "own" kids as opposed to "adopted" kids because my entire being believes that those two children who are slowly but surely coming into our family even as we speak are my own in every sense of what that means. and i fear so much for those two little lives because i know that so many people will always see them as "adopted" kids, orphans-- these two pitiable bastard children who were taken in by us, the very nice christian couple. i don't really know why i give a crap if the rest of the world sees my children as my children. i just don't want them living the rest of their lives believing that they are somehow "less than" because they aren't somebody's "own kids." (and just to throw it out there, what i have written above describes what i think are the feelings a woman struggling with infertility probably faces to a much greater extent. i do not in any way want to take away from that experience and act as though i know what that feels like because i do not).
in general, i worry so much about my kids and how they will be perceived and how those perceptions will shape their understandings of who they are. when people comment on how great and sacrificing we are for adopting or how adoption is such an "act of kindness," i often fear my kids will only believe they are objects of our mercy and "great kindness" and not simply our children who we would love even if they did not come to us in this way. i suppose that when people only see adoption as a kind act, it becomes easier to dismiss it as something "we hope to do one day" as if it's just like saying "i hope to visit paris one day" or "i'd like to eat a hamburger tomorrow" -- something that would be nice if things worked out for it to happen, but something not extremely urgent and not necessarily devastating if it doesn't get done. but i digress from my main point that when people don't have a right view about adoption, they will never have a right view of adoptive parents, but, more importantly, of children who come into families by adoption. and i get it, people have to have time to journey towards that understanding. it doesn't come right away for some people. but honestly, it hurts a lot for people to consistently discount our experience and thus our children. not for a second do i want people to see our adoption as the same as pregnancy. i've said that before. it's not the same. when people act as though adopted children and biological children are the same, it is offensive to the adopted child who brings a past and a history and many painful scars to his or her new family. you cannot pretend that history does not exist and treat your adopted child just like your bio kids. you will love them in different ways and parent them in different ways. but the quantity and quality of your love will be the same, and their standing in your family -- as your own kids -- will be the same.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Friday, July 30, 2010
the infamous clocks
i'm not sure that i've mentioned these clocks on here before. they're on our agency's website, and they help waiting families see what month cwa is in for making referrals. for example, the next referral for a girl will go to a family whose dossier was in ethiopia in september 2009.
we are a february family, and we are watching all the clocks closely since we are open to siblings or unrelated children. the scenarios regarding a referral for us are wide open, particularly since referrals for girls have started picking up (when we signed on with cwa, you were guaranteed a boy unless you specifically requested a girl. now there are families who specified no gender who have been referred girls). the sibling clock is a little more complex than it appears because it includes families who want 2 boys, 2 girls, or 1 of each. therefore, that clock won't move until all october families wanting siblings have referrals. but it's possible that if a referral for brothers came in and there were no october families open to 2 boys, a november family could get that referral even though the clock is still in october. we have heard from our case manager that a referral for unrelated children can come to us in 1 of 2 ways: either we will wait until we reach the top of the infant list (meaning one of the boy or girl clocks would be at february) and be matched with the next infant and next toddler or we could be matched with a toddler and then receive a referral for the next infant even if we're not at the top of the infant list. it all sounds really confusing, i know.
we're a couple days shy of waiting 6 months. when we started out, the wait for a referral was 4-6 months. so yes, we expected a referral by now. but we really do know and believe that this journey is bringing us to the 2 specific children that God created for us at the beginning of time. and surprisingly, we could have a daughter. in my heart, i have a goal that we'd have a referral by thanksgiving so that we can at least buy our kids christmas presents and perhaps even meet them before the year ends. would you pray that God might graciously fulfill that?
we are a february family, and we are watching all the clocks closely since we are open to siblings or unrelated children. the scenarios regarding a referral for us are wide open, particularly since referrals for girls have started picking up (when we signed on with cwa, you were guaranteed a boy unless you specifically requested a girl. now there are families who specified no gender who have been referred girls). the sibling clock is a little more complex than it appears because it includes families who want 2 boys, 2 girls, or 1 of each. therefore, that clock won't move until all october families wanting siblings have referrals. but it's possible that if a referral for brothers came in and there were no october families open to 2 boys, a november family could get that referral even though the clock is still in october. we have heard from our case manager that a referral for unrelated children can come to us in 1 of 2 ways: either we will wait until we reach the top of the infant list (meaning one of the boy or girl clocks would be at february) and be matched with the next infant and next toddler or we could be matched with a toddler and then receive a referral for the next infant even if we're not at the top of the infant list. it all sounds really confusing, i know.
we're a couple days shy of waiting 6 months. when we started out, the wait for a referral was 4-6 months. so yes, we expected a referral by now. but we really do know and believe that this journey is bringing us to the 2 specific children that God created for us at the beginning of time. and surprisingly, we could have a daughter. in my heart, i have a goal that we'd have a referral by thanksgiving so that we can at least buy our kids christmas presents and perhaps even meet them before the year ends. would you pray that God might graciously fulfill that?
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
a different kind of family planning
i want to invite you into my brain for a moment.
as a woman (and i say as a woman because i know my husband does not think in these terms at all), i like to plan for the future. and to be honest, it gets a little nutty sometimes. i have about a dozen thoughts a day about what our family should and will look like.
it's funny how deciding to have a transracial family right off the bat affects your whole thought process about building a family. we would like to have at least one biological child. but the questions abound: should our biological child be the only white face among our children? is it fair to that child, especially considering that his/her older siblings will both have brown skin? so maybe we'll have two biological children. at that point in my planning, we'd have 4 kids, which used to be my stopping point. but i would like to adopt again. and the questions abound there too: where from? should we adopt two again since the other kids came into our family by twos?
it's a different kind of family planning. and like i said, it can get nutty.
i find that people think the decision to adopt is something that must be approached with much prayer and fasting. and yet the decision to get pregnant is not seen this way at all. i don't think i've ever heard anyone say, "we're really praying about whether we should get pregnant." people just decide it's time to start a family, and they do it...literally.
i think we all have these plans for our families, but we rarely ever consult God for his opinions. i mean, here i am planning for our next two or three or four children, and i have no idea where God will call us or how he will choose for our family to be built. the reality is, we might get these first two home and realize they're all God has for us. we may not be able to have biological children. things might not go according to my plan (we might also end up with 10 kids, which was never, ever in a million years part of my plan).
certainly i think planning can be a good thing for families. we knew God had called us to adoption before we even met each other, and when we got married, we made it a priority. i love hearing about people who want and plan for big families because that decision stands so much in opposition to our culture that views children as burdens. i just think God wants to plan and dream along with us. i think he wants us to sincerely ask him what he has for us rather than assuming we know.
but let me tell you, in all my planning, i have one dream that i hope God will bring to fruition. go watch this.
as a woman (and i say as a woman because i know my husband does not think in these terms at all), i like to plan for the future. and to be honest, it gets a little nutty sometimes. i have about a dozen thoughts a day about what our family should and will look like.
it's funny how deciding to have a transracial family right off the bat affects your whole thought process about building a family. we would like to have at least one biological child. but the questions abound: should our biological child be the only white face among our children? is it fair to that child, especially considering that his/her older siblings will both have brown skin? so maybe we'll have two biological children. at that point in my planning, we'd have 4 kids, which used to be my stopping point. but i would like to adopt again. and the questions abound there too: where from? should we adopt two again since the other kids came into our family by twos?
it's a different kind of family planning. and like i said, it can get nutty.
i find that people think the decision to adopt is something that must be approached with much prayer and fasting. and yet the decision to get pregnant is not seen this way at all. i don't think i've ever heard anyone say, "we're really praying about whether we should get pregnant." people just decide it's time to start a family, and they do it...literally.
i think we all have these plans for our families, but we rarely ever consult God for his opinions. i mean, here i am planning for our next two or three or four children, and i have no idea where God will call us or how he will choose for our family to be built. the reality is, we might get these first two home and realize they're all God has for us. we may not be able to have biological children. things might not go according to my plan (we might also end up with 10 kids, which was never, ever in a million years part of my plan).
certainly i think planning can be a good thing for families. we knew God had called us to adoption before we even met each other, and when we got married, we made it a priority. i love hearing about people who want and plan for big families because that decision stands so much in opposition to our culture that views children as burdens. i just think God wants to plan and dream along with us. i think he wants us to sincerely ask him what he has for us rather than assuming we know.
but let me tell you, in all my planning, i have one dream that i hope God will bring to fruition. go watch this.
Monday, July 26, 2010
fair trade?
i've been sitting here for awhile trying to write an awesome post about buying fair trade and why i think it's important. and then i realized that really the only thing i need to say is that we're supposed to care about people -- all people -- if we claim to be christians. we're not supposed to follow our society's "life is all about me" mantra. we're not supposed to act like a starving person on the other side of the planet isn't our problem. we're not supposed to claim "i didn't know" when the media tells us every day that things are bad in other places around the world. we're not supposed to act like what we do, say, think, and feel doesn't affect others. we're not supposed to believe we aren't responsible, culpable, at fault for what's going on in our world.
a lot of people probably think fair trade is just another cause being paraded around by "liberals" as some kind of alternative social gospel. let me tell you it's not. fair trade ensures that the economies from which fair trade products originate benefit from the sell of the products. fair trade ensures that the people making the products earn a fair wage. fair trade ensures that the people making the products took their jobs willingly and weren't coerced into their labor. fair trade provides upward mobility to those who need it most. and fair trade allows local economies to free themselves from dependency on others and become self-sustaining.
if you think about it, it's pretty disgusting how our society goes to great lengths to convince us of how badly animals are treated before they are killed for us to eat and how we should spend more money to buy organic food because it's better for us. and yet, there is little public dialogue about where our stuff comes from and who gets hurt so we can wear it or use it and how we should spend more money to buy fair trade items so that our consumerism actually helps people rather than harms them.
i don't know if we talk more about the other stuff because it makes us feel less guilty about the suffering of others or because we really are totally unaware of how much other humans really suffer or if the problem of human suffering just seems too large and overwhelming. i don't know. but the truth is, we can make little choices to help. check out these great fair trade options (i received all of these as birthday presents):
these dresses were made by an organization working with tailors in uganda called one mango tree. some of the tailors that work for them are hiv positive, others are disabled. all of them are women, many of whom are raising children. while one mango tree is selling other clothing items and lots of fun items like bags, aprons, and headbands on their website, these dresses can be found here. i got the chocolate one and tied the sash right below my bust line rather than at the waist.
this cookbook is not technically a fair trade product, but i wanted to share it because each one sold benefits an organization in zambia called wiphan. wiphan supports widows and orphans through educational initiatives and meal programs. this cookbook is just like church cookbooks you may be familiar with where everyone contributes recipes. there is a wide variety of recipes, which should prove valuable for a domestically challenged cook like me. you can read more about wiphan and order a cookbook here.
this carry-all purse was made by an organization in uganda called tukula. they have teamed up with women who already work in tailoring to give them another opportunity to earn money to put towards schooling or other business ventures that will give them upward mobility. in addition to assisting their tailors, the owners of tukula want to bring clean drinking water to their community. unfortunately, the green carry-all is now sold out, but there's a purple one and a couple other products (they even have a blue messenger bag coming in their fall line!) you can check out here.
a lot of people probably think fair trade is just another cause being paraded around by "liberals" as some kind of alternative social gospel. let me tell you it's not. fair trade ensures that the economies from which fair trade products originate benefit from the sell of the products. fair trade ensures that the people making the products earn a fair wage. fair trade ensures that the people making the products took their jobs willingly and weren't coerced into their labor. fair trade provides upward mobility to those who need it most. and fair trade allows local economies to free themselves from dependency on others and become self-sustaining.
if you think about it, it's pretty disgusting how our society goes to great lengths to convince us of how badly animals are treated before they are killed for us to eat and how we should spend more money to buy organic food because it's better for us. and yet, there is little public dialogue about where our stuff comes from and who gets hurt so we can wear it or use it and how we should spend more money to buy fair trade items so that our consumerism actually helps people rather than harms them.
i don't know if we talk more about the other stuff because it makes us feel less guilty about the suffering of others or because we really are totally unaware of how much other humans really suffer or if the problem of human suffering just seems too large and overwhelming. i don't know. but the truth is, we can make little choices to help. check out these great fair trade options (i received all of these as birthday presents):
these dresses were made by an organization working with tailors in uganda called one mango tree. some of the tailors that work for them are hiv positive, others are disabled. all of them are women, many of whom are raising children. while one mango tree is selling other clothing items and lots of fun items like bags, aprons, and headbands on their website, these dresses can be found here. i got the chocolate one and tied the sash right below my bust line rather than at the waist.
this cookbook is not technically a fair trade product, but i wanted to share it because each one sold benefits an organization in zambia called wiphan. wiphan supports widows and orphans through educational initiatives and meal programs. this cookbook is just like church cookbooks you may be familiar with where everyone contributes recipes. there is a wide variety of recipes, which should prove valuable for a domestically challenged cook like me. you can read more about wiphan and order a cookbook here.
i've had a lot of people tell me that they're not trendy enough to wear sseko sandals. i thought the same thing until i took the risk and got a pair. now i love them and don't care if i'm not trendy enough. these sandals are made by women in uganda. once you buy the base of the sandal, you can buy different straps to go on them. and the straps can tie in different ways, so if you don't like the up-the-ankle look, you can try another style.
this carry-all purse was made by an organization in uganda called tukula. they have teamed up with women who already work in tailoring to give them another opportunity to earn money to put towards schooling or other business ventures that will give them upward mobility. in addition to assisting their tailors, the owners of tukula want to bring clean drinking water to their community. unfortunately, the green carry-all is now sold out, but there's a purple one and a couple other products (they even have a blue messenger bag coming in their fall line!) you can check out here.
there's a lot more to be said about the problem of human trafficking and the modern day slave trade. there's also a lot more to be said about why these organizations employ women and how being a woman without a father or husband in many of these societies means oppression and how having a job and an education is literally lifesaving. i could also put out a disclaimer and say that fair trade is not a good reason to over-consume.
but i'm just going to beg you to consider buying your next dress or purse or pair of shoes fair trade and leave it at that.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
a mighty fine birthday
on my birthday weekend, i:
turned 26 (and realized that i'm now closer to 30 than 20, though jamie informed me this was the case 6 months ago when i turned 25 and 1/2).
was surprised by these crazy nuts from columbia, sc.
and these crazy nuts who live here.
was serenaded by said crazy nuts plus jamie and 2 (3 if you count baby sophie) of my favorite kids.
ate this delicious lemon cupcake.
joined this dance party.
see, there i am with mary cameron doing our signature moves.
harvested a zucchini the size of a small baby.
pretended the zucchini was a small baby and took pictures like this.
received the most awesome card in the universe courtesy of brian and sarah! (i'm deathly afraid of cats).
turned 26 (and realized that i'm now closer to 30 than 20, though jamie informed me this was the case 6 months ago when i turned 25 and 1/2).
was surprised by these crazy nuts from columbia, sc.
and these crazy nuts who live here.
was serenaded by said crazy nuts plus jamie and 2 (3 if you count baby sophie) of my favorite kids.
ate this delicious lemon cupcake.
joined this dance party.
see, there i am with mary cameron doing our signature moves.
harvested a zucchini the size of a small baby.
pretended the zucchini was a small baby and took pictures like this.
received the most awesome card in the universe courtesy of brian and sarah! (i'm deathly afraid of cats).
went to every baby-related store in town with leigh so we could lust over all the baby stuff we can't buy yet.
bought my kids a baby doll (please, no comments on how boys don't play with dolls because mine will in my attempt to teach them how to be tender and nurturing when they aren't shooting people with their pretend guns) and a cool safari tshirt.
bought my kids a baby doll (please, no comments on how boys don't play with dolls because mine will in my attempt to teach them how to be tender and nurturing when they aren't shooting people with their pretend guns) and a cool safari tshirt.
ate cheese fries and a burger at my most favorite restaurant in winston-salem, first street!
watched mary cameron and jackson ride horses and become seasoned equestrians before my very eyes.
and was very thankful for this guy, the arranger of all surprises.
check back this week to hear about my fair trade birthday presents and how you can become a more responsible consumer!
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
just what i needed
i got this sweet card in the mail from my friend, staci, this week.
it was providential because i was having an "angry at the world" kind of day on monday when it came. it was also providential because staci said she's had this card for awhile and has never known who to give it to. until now. it's amazing how a little paper card decorated with fabric cut into the shape of africa and filled with sweet words from a friend can soften an angry heart, especially when there's an african proverb on the back that says:
such encouraging words to a mama-to-be who is desperately wanting to see her children's faces, while simultaneously grieving for all the children who need and deserve to have a family too. i never want to tire of saying that there are 150 million children in that very circumstance -- needing and deserving a family.
for both of these things, i have hope. i am hopeful that our referral is not a long way off and that i will see my children's faces soon. and i am also hopeful that more and more people will decide to act on behalf of those 150 million children -- through child sponsorship and other giving opportunities, foster care, or adoption.
isn't having hope so much better than being angry at the world?
it was providential because i was having an "angry at the world" kind of day on monday when it came. it was also providential because staci said she's had this card for awhile and has never known who to give it to. until now. it's amazing how a little paper card decorated with fabric cut into the shape of africa and filled with sweet words from a friend can soften an angry heart, especially when there's an african proverb on the back that says:
hope is the pillar of the world.
such encouraging words to a mama-to-be who is desperately wanting to see her children's faces, while simultaneously grieving for all the children who need and deserve to have a family too. i never want to tire of saying that there are 150 million children in that very circumstance -- needing and deserving a family.
for both of these things, i have hope. i am hopeful that our referral is not a long way off and that i will see my children's faces soon. and i am also hopeful that more and more people will decide to act on behalf of those 150 million children -- through child sponsorship and other giving opportunities, foster care, or adoption.
isn't having hope so much better than being angry at the world?
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
the [idealistic] kingdom of God
about a year ago, our church began a partnership with world relief, a non-profit organization that resettles refugees in the united states. our friend abby (who, by the way, is expecting word TOMORROW about whether her son passed court in ethiopia) told world relief that if they ever resettled an ethiopian family, we wanted to know about it.
that's how i found myself in the airport last night at midnight, handing a loaf of zucchini bread to an ethiopian man and his family. they were kind and beautiful, and i just wanted to squeeze them all (especially the kids, ages 1, 3, and 7). there is something very profound about watching a family pick up all their earthly belongings from baggage claim and embark on a new life. but as much joy as i felt for them, i couldn't help but let the darkness seep in.
america is not the promised land, i thought. i hope they know.
i try not to be overly political on here, but if you've read any of my circa-2009 blog posts (the ones where i was less nice than i am now), i inevitably find something i need to address. i like to be respectful of opinions and various political views, and i really loathe when people claim to be open-minded because they hate close-minded people (irony). but i want to go ahead and put it out there that i've been hating the state of arizona for awhile now.
you see, i'm an idealist. when i look at the world, i see all the ways it could be different and better, and i could really care less about all the variables that prevent it from being as such. unfortunately, i know my own human nature and that of others, and i know that an ideal world is next to impossible because we all mess up and are generally self-centered. in other words, the real obstacle to an ideal world is me.
but i believe the kingdom of God is the ideal world i'm hoping for. in the kingdom, people are loved and cared for. people are forgiving and generous. people aren't judged based on their skin color or how much money they make or where they come from. people focus on others more than themselves. and i think the gospel imperative is that once we have met jesus, he calls us to make this ideal world a reality. and i think he wants us to start right now, even knowing that it won't be complete until he comes again. which brings me back to the current state affairs in this country.
i'm heartbroken and infuriated by what's going on in arizona. i'm bewildered that while 90% or more people in this country claim to be christians, more than 50% of this country is backing arizona in its so-called "immigration reform." what i hear is that illegal immigrants are taking my job, eating my food, overcrowding my schools, and mooching off my government with my hard-earned taxpayer dollars. why does being an american mean we have a birthright to jobs and food and healthcare and education? it seems no one has considered that if we were the poor family in mexico, struggling to provide for our children, with no choice in the matter of where we were born, we would probably also cross the border to a new life. we would believe america was the promised land until we got here and realized that nobody wanted us here because our skin was darker and we spoke a different language and we were taking everything that apparently belonged to them even though they also had no choice in the matter of where they were born.
when i think of the kingdom of God i don't see borders. i see unending welcome and hospitality. i don't hear people claiming things as "mine" but rather telling friends and strangers, "i will share with you" (even if it means paying more in taxes). it sounds so idealistic and far too simple-minded, especially considering that we do have to answer real, practical questions like how to build more schools or how to find the money to feed everyone when we have a deficit or how to make citizenship more accessible.
but i imagine that in the end, when the world has been made right, heaven will feel like that ethiopian woman's hand in mine as we shook hands for the first time. it will sound like the man's voice as he said, "thank you" when i handed him the zucchini bread. it will look like the smile on the little boy's face when abby handed him a balloon. there will be no obstacles. we will have gotten over ourselves. we will see that even the most idealistc things can be real.
that's how i found myself in the airport last night at midnight, handing a loaf of zucchini bread to an ethiopian man and his family. they were kind and beautiful, and i just wanted to squeeze them all (especially the kids, ages 1, 3, and 7). there is something very profound about watching a family pick up all their earthly belongings from baggage claim and embark on a new life. but as much joy as i felt for them, i couldn't help but let the darkness seep in.
america is not the promised land, i thought. i hope they know.
i try not to be overly political on here, but if you've read any of my circa-2009 blog posts (the ones where i was less nice than i am now), i inevitably find something i need to address. i like to be respectful of opinions and various political views, and i really loathe when people claim to be open-minded because they hate close-minded people (irony). but i want to go ahead and put it out there that i've been hating the state of arizona for awhile now.
you see, i'm an idealist. when i look at the world, i see all the ways it could be different and better, and i could really care less about all the variables that prevent it from being as such. unfortunately, i know my own human nature and that of others, and i know that an ideal world is next to impossible because we all mess up and are generally self-centered. in other words, the real obstacle to an ideal world is me.
but i believe the kingdom of God is the ideal world i'm hoping for. in the kingdom, people are loved and cared for. people are forgiving and generous. people aren't judged based on their skin color or how much money they make or where they come from. people focus on others more than themselves. and i think the gospel imperative is that once we have met jesus, he calls us to make this ideal world a reality. and i think he wants us to start right now, even knowing that it won't be complete until he comes again. which brings me back to the current state affairs in this country.
i'm heartbroken and infuriated by what's going on in arizona. i'm bewildered that while 90% or more people in this country claim to be christians, more than 50% of this country is backing arizona in its so-called "immigration reform." what i hear is that illegal immigrants are taking my job, eating my food, overcrowding my schools, and mooching off my government with my hard-earned taxpayer dollars. why does being an american mean we have a birthright to jobs and food and healthcare and education? it seems no one has considered that if we were the poor family in mexico, struggling to provide for our children, with no choice in the matter of where we were born, we would probably also cross the border to a new life. we would believe america was the promised land until we got here and realized that nobody wanted us here because our skin was darker and we spoke a different language and we were taking everything that apparently belonged to them even though they also had no choice in the matter of where they were born.
when i think of the kingdom of God i don't see borders. i see unending welcome and hospitality. i don't hear people claiming things as "mine" but rather telling friends and strangers, "i will share with you" (even if it means paying more in taxes). it sounds so idealistic and far too simple-minded, especially considering that we do have to answer real, practical questions like how to build more schools or how to find the money to feed everyone when we have a deficit or how to make citizenship more accessible.
but i imagine that in the end, when the world has been made right, heaven will feel like that ethiopian woman's hand in mine as we shook hands for the first time. it will sound like the man's voice as he said, "thank you" when i handed him the zucchini bread. it will look like the smile on the little boy's face when abby handed him a balloon. there will be no obstacles. we will have gotten over ourselves. we will see that even the most idealistc things can be real.
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