4 months

these are our nieces and nephews -- tyler, delaney, peighton, parker, and trevor.

they're cutie pies, right?

as much as i love these munchkins, i can't wait to have 2 of my own to add to the bunch.

and we've been waiting now 4 months.

someone told me recently they heard we're adopting because we're concerned about passing on jamie's disability. i was a little jolted because we've been trying hard to explain that adoption is a choice we have made because we want to adopt. it has nothing to do with any other external factor, including jamie's disability. i don't think people realize how offensive it is to jamie and to our children to suggest that we're only adopting because we're scared our biological kids might have RP (retinitis pigmentosa).

it's offensive to jamie because it suggests it'd be understandable (perhaps even beneficial) if people like him -- people who can't see -- didn't produce anymore people who can't see. it suggests that being a person with a disability is a curse or an affliction or an unnecessary suffering that one wouldn't want to pass on to someone else. and it also suggests that the significance of a person is found solely in their ability to see, or walk, or hear, or think.

but it's offensive to our adopted children because it suggests they are some kind of second choice or last resort -- an option we had to choose because we didn't want to take the risk of having a biological child. seriously, you will never know how much our society emphasizes biology and genetics until you (1) choose to adopt before even trying to have biological children and (2) choose to adopt when one parent has a disability. many people won't get why you don't want to pass on your genes if you adopt first; many others will simply assume you don't want to pass on your "bad" genes if you choose to adopt when one parent has a disability. it's really pretty ridiculous because nobody actually thinks that people simply want to adopt.

and quite honestly, i want to adopt a blind kid one day. so there.

and also, for those who are wondering how the whole "blind dad" thing is going to work, i'd like to write a blog post sometime about how having one parent with a disability isn't really that different. there are some unique aspects, but life looks pretty much the same, which is really what people should understand about living with a disability. but for now, i leave you with proof that jamie is going to be the most awesome dad in the world.

isn't it ironic...

that our friends the ladds, who are adopting 2 kids from ethiopia, started their adoption journey hoping for girls. now they are completely OK with getting 2 boys. we started our adoption journey hoping for 2 boys. now we (or i should say i) really want a boy and a girl? seriously, what is wrong with me??

'round here

a few sentences on what's been going on around the dean house lately.

we've been on the waitlist 3 months. the waiting isn't driving us crazy yet. we are currently trying to get our case manager to tell us how many families ahead of us on the waitlist are open to 2 boys, 0-42 months.

jamie skillfully built a garden box out of cedar wood completely from scratch. he even wielded a power saw by himself (um, this is a big deal when your husband can't see). then he dug a trench in the backyard to put the box in when he realized the ground wasn't level. we are attempting to grow cucumbers, green peppers, and zucchini (we're also growing tomatoes, but they are hanging upside down in buckets off our playset).

we've been learning to play the djembe. our next door neighbor is a senior in high school and has been playing djembe since he was 9. the djembe is a drum from west africa that looks like this:



i guess a lot of people think of drums as simply accompanying other instruments. but the djembe has 3 unique sounds that make it more versatile, so you don't just play djembe for the beat. what's cool is that our neighbor knows all the history behind the rhythms he is teaching us. we've been working on a rhythm that is played when the women of the villages come back from fishing. i'm not really good at playing yet, but we've only had 3 lessons, and i'm trying to learn that it's OK to make mistakes.

i have felt really purposed lately in the volunteer work i'm doing as a guardian ad litem. the case i've been working on goes to court on friday, and i'm hoping good decisions are made that benefit this little girl's best interest. seriously, children need advocates. i can't say that enough.

and lastly, we are thankful for all the friends and family in our lives. we are thankful for our church community and how there are now 4 families just in our 5pm service that are somewhere in the process to adopt from ethiopia (one family already has their son home). we are thankful for our neighbors and how they are generous with their time and friendship. we are thankful for the littleton family and how much we learn from them. we are thankful for the ladd family and how they're walking with us step by step to our kids as they walk to theirs. we are thankful for old friends scattered in many places and how they still care about our lives. and we are thankful for our families and how well they love us all the time. life is good.

living radically

the title of this post makes it sound as if i actually know a thing or two about living radically. i must admit that i don't. the only thing i really know about it, the only thing i've managed to figure out thus far is that i'm supposed to be doing it -- to be living radically.

let me spill what's been a secret in our house for the past week or so. we have been praying about whether God was leading us to adopt two brothers from the waiting child list. two brothers. ages 6 and 8. i don't really want to get into details, but we finally got some confirmation today that the door was closed on us adopting them.

in many ways, it was a relief to have the door close in our faces. i told jamie and a few friends that if i could live in a bubble where the outside world couldn't judge us or laugh at us or misunderstand us, i would happily mother those sweet boys. i didn't really care that they were 6 and 8. but honestly, if the door hadn't closed, i fear i would've run from those boys anyway. because the reality is, i don't live in a bubble and i care too much about what people think of me.

you see, i think as christians, we miss out on our calling to live radically because we're too concerned with pleasing the rest of the world. we don't want to disappoint our parents. we don't want to lose our friends. we don't want to miss out on wealth, success, or comfort. we don't want to look too different.

as we have walked on this adoption journey, i have realized that a lot of christians like to talk about having great faith -- faith that can move a mountain, do the impossible. but when somebody actually believes they can move a mountain -- when somebody actually attempts the impossible or the impractical or the irrational -- those same christians are the ones doubting. they're the ones asking, "are you sure God told you to do this?" and "have you considered all the ways this will affect your life?" i'm confounded by the number of christians who haven't realized that we serve a radical God who demands radical things from his followers. things that don't make sense. things that seem impossible. things that defy all practicality and logic and cultural norm.

we serve a God who, out of no need of his own, created a world just so he could love it.
we serve a God who placed himself in the midst of our chaotic, sinful world so he could swallow up sin, death, sickness, and sorrow into himself and rescue us.
we serve a God who told a rich man to sell all his possessions and give to the poor.
we serve a God who said to love our enemies and pray for those who persecute us.
we serve a God who touched lepers.
we serve a God who equates true religion with caring for orphans and widows.
we serve a God who forgives us and loves us no matter what.
we serve a radical God. and he has created us to be like him. to be radical.

i guess it's easy for me to be writing about how we're supposed to be radical when the big, life-changing decision to adopt two "older" kids has passed me by. but i think living radically isn't just about big, life-changing decisions. i think it's about daily living. living radically is about the everyday choices we make regarding how we spend our time or money, how we speak to our spouse or our children. today, i was late getting back to work after lunch and i couldn't find a parking space. i literally said the f word about 10 times. and i had this post rolling around in my head, and i had to stop and repent and say that becoming impatient and reckless with my words is not living radically. it's easy living, it's living into the flesh, it's looking no different than the rest of the world.

in the end, when everything is said and done, it is infinitely more important that we lived our lives in complete abandonment to the gospel -- even when it's really hard, when it doesn't make sense, when it feels as though everybody in your life might reject you -- instead of to this world. it takes courage and faith to do that. but i believe that God is not only pleased, but glorified when we realize that he created us for incredible things far greater than our puny minds and sinful hearts could ever imagine.

ps - we are continuing to pray for those sweet boys who need parents, and i ask that you would too.

we are the truth

i've been doing a lot of thinking lately about the culture in which we live, particularly as it relates to children. last week, i took my first guardian ad litem case, and i couldn't help but wonder how a culture that has become increasingly anti-family and anti-children has contributed to the abuse and neglect of children. now, don't worry -- i'm not getting on some kind of james dobson soap box. but i think our culture has become so focused on the individual that we have forgotten how to value other human beings. personally, i think God designed marriage and child-rearing as ways to keep us from becoming too focused on ourselves.

the truth is, our culture sees children mostly as a burden and an inconvenience. and it shows in how we treat them: we abort them, abuse them, and scorn those who choose to have a lot of them. we have forgotten that God's heart is very much for children.

last week, a tennessee woman made international headlines when she put her son, adopted from russia, back on an airplane to his birth country. she claimed the orphanage had lied to her about his psychological state. the joint council on international children's services asked all adoptive families to blog about their adoptions today as a way of standing up for children across the world and proclaiming that adoption is more than just the negative headlines one sees on tv.

but i want to stand up not only for adoption, but for all children in general. children are some of the most voiceless, vulnerable, and defenseless people on this planet. they need us to protect them. to advocate for them. to ensure their well-being. to affirm their worth and their goodness. to love them. to journey with them to healing. to commit to them. to show them their potential. if we fail at these things, we will be left (in about 18 years) with a bunch of unhealthy, unhappy adults.

i want to stand up for that 7-year-old boy from russia and every "older" child like him who gets stereotyped as being "troubled." oh, how badly do i want to yell and scream at the top of my lungs that these "troubled" kids are "troubled" by NO FAULT OF THEIR OWN and deserve to have parents just as much as any kid who was lucky enough to grow up in an environment that promoted healthy brain development. they need families who are willing to love them even if they cannot yet love back.

i want to stand up for every child who has been sexually abused. they deserve safe homes where they're not in danger anymore. they have a right to privacy and dignity. they need people who are willing to advocate for them against their abusers.

i want to stand up for every child who has experienced racism, ableism, and any other -ism that has caused them to question their infinite worth as a human being. i want to tell them that it's not fair how the world judges so harshly. i hope they know that no matter what color their skin is, no matter if they are blind or sighted...NO MATTER WHAT...they are beautiful.

and i want to stand up for every child -- all 153 million -- who needs a family. they deserve the love and stability and permanence and healing that a family can bring. they need someone to believe they are worth the inconvenience. that they are a joyful burden. that they are more important than any cultural value or man's opinion.

what is at stake right now is not just the integrity of adoption but the well-being of children around the world. what are you going to do about it?

but jesus said, 'let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven.' - matthew 19:14

my measuring stick

i spent yesterday in chapel hill.

i also spent 4 years of my life there.

when i go back, i'm often a little pensive. i like to think about how i'm a different person now than when i was there. and i don't mean different person in that i have a husband now and i didn't then. i mean different person in the sense of how i have grown in the grace of the gospel.

my time in chapel hill shaped a lot of the person i am now. it was there that i first looked around, saw a bunch of people who didn't claim to be christians (and, in fact, were probably atheists) caring for others around them (read: LOVING PEOPLE), and wondered what my christian faith really had to say about injustice on earth. i started reading the gospels constantly. i wondered why the majority of christians i knew -- including me -- were mostly caught up in moralism. i wondered why nobody -- including me -- seemed to actually give a damn (sorry, but it's really the best word) about the fact that people suffer now and need a gospel that is about more than the afterlife. and i wondered why so few christians i knew didn't believe in justice work even though that's all jesus ever did.

and so it was there, in chapel hill, that the gospel was enlarged for me. redemption became a bigger, more all-encompassing reality. my life didn't start looking different until much later, but that's where it all began. when i go back, i like to ask myself if i'm still becoming a different person. if ever i can't say that my life looks different than the last time i was there, i have a problem.

why the resurrection matters

i spent 3 years of my life working my way through one of the most liberal seminaries in the south, perhaps in the country. a lot of people wonder why i went there, and the best answer i can give is that i didn't know how liberal it was going to be until i got there. but in all seriousness, i value learning from others who think differently from me. and that's how i ended up at a school with a bunch of people who thought the resurrection of christ was simply metaphorical. most of my classmates didn't believe jesus physically returned from the dead. instead, they believed that his spirit lived on with his followers and transformed their lives -- a resurrection in a sense, but not one that claimed jesus lived again in the flesh. for them, the reality of the life jesus had lived was enough to bring resurrection power to a dead world. it didn't really matter if jesus actually did rise from the dead.

lest anyone think i'm being one-sided, i want to address what i call the conservative view (please note: i hate labels. i think they're offensive and constraining and not at all representative of nuances in opinion. but for convenience, i'm labeling). i grew up in a southern baptist church where the importance of jesus was found mostly in the cross and resurrection. i think this is why so many conservative churches struggle with understanding the importance of social justice and overemphasize "going to heaven." for some (please note: i didn't say all or even many), the importance of the cross is found in "getting saved from our sins so we can go to heaven." i like what rev. vernon johns said to a group of preachers: "you didn't do a thing but preach about the death of jesus. if that were the heart of christianity, all God had to do was to drop him down on friday, kill him, and then yank him up again on easter sunday...you don't hear so much about his three years of teaching that man's religion is revealed in the love of his fellow man." when it seemed like johns had illuminated the point of the resurrection, he instead swung in the wrong direction by adding: "i want to deal with jesus before the cross. i don't give a damn what happened to him after the cross!"

i hope it's becoming clear that the problem with both of these views is that neither live as though the life of jesus and his death and resurrection are meant to go hand in hand. one does not make sense without the other. we cannot emphasize the life of christ without emphasizing his death and resurrection, nor can we emphasize christ's death and resurrection without seeing those events in light of his life. the life of jesus is the most glaring example of our need for the cross. when jesus came to dwell among us -- God in the flesh -- he revealed to us through his life the character of God. he showed us what we -- the image bearers of God -- were created to be. johns is right, jesus did show us that man's religion is revealed in his love for his neighbor. but what he and many liberals forget when they behold jesus as a moral exemplar of love is that human beings are prone to sin. we cannot do this loving on our own. we do not have the capacity for it.

and so the life of jesus points directly to the cross and resurrection. the cross is God's way of saying, "i love you. i am sad that you have strayed so far away from me and the things i intended for you. i want you to come back to me. i want you to be like me. i will rescue you. because you cannot rescue yourselves." i don't claim to know exactly how the transaction of atonement took place exactly or why it had to happen the way it did, nor will i say i've never doubted it. but i do know that if the bones of jesus are buried in the ground somewhere, we have no hope. if jesus left us with just the memory of his life, we have been left to our own abilities, and we will surely fail. the resurrection matters because it proclaims that jesus lives! that he conquered sin and death, and they no longer have a hold on us! and because of that, a way has been made for us to God. a way has been made for us to live as jesus did, to be who we were created to be. to love God, to love our neighbors, to have compassion, to work for justice, to forgive, to be peacemakers. that is redemption. and that, my friends, is a reason to celebrate.