orphan sunday

i've had a couple of awkward adoption conversations lately with co-workers. a couple of weeks ago, someone asked me if i have kids.

"no," i said, "not yet. but my husband and i are adopting, so we hopefully will soon."
"adopting?" he said. "so you mean, you can't have kids."
"well, we have never tried to have biological children. we have always wanted to adopt."
"you haven't even tried the old-fashioned way??" he chuckled. "you know, you're going to pay a lot to adopt a kid when you could've just had one yourself."
"um, actually there are are a lot of children around the world who don't have moms and dads."

at that point, i wanted to ask him what he hoped would happen if one day he and his wife died and there was no one in their family to care for their two children. maybe he wouldn't have laughed off adoption so quickly if he actually had pictured his kids desperately in need of a family. but i didn't. instead, i nicely fielded a few more questions about adoption and let him have the last word when he ended our conversation by saying: "well, i'm going to keep having kids the old-fashioned way. it's much more fun."

then, yesterday, one of my co-workers was telling a story about going on lunch outings when there were just 4 employees on our team. they used to joke around about how people must have thought they were a family with one biological child and one adopted child (since one guy on the team is african american). but the guy who they said was the adopted child always complained and asked why he had to be the "adopted child"...and, of course, the tone used to say "adopted child" was extremely negative. my heart pinged. i wanted to shout that there is nothing wrong with being adopted. i wanted to demand that someone tell me why being adopted is such an insult. but i didn't. i just stood there being sad.

i hope and pray that churches across the country are breaking down these stereotypes today. there are still so many believers who think adoption is a last resort or a second choice to have biological children. and because of this, most people think being adopted is undesirable. the truth is, adoption was in the heart of God before the beginning of time. it was not a second choice or last resort idea for our salvation. it was the way he planned it all along. God wanted so much to be our mom and dad (because God isn't male or female) that he was willing to make a costly sacrifice for that to happen. if any believer thinks it is undesirable to be adopted or that the only children who are really "your own" are kids who look like you and share your DNA or that adoption is the option left when all other options are exhausted, let them reconsider the gospel in light of ephesians 1 and romans 8 and hear that adoption is all of our stories.

this is why adoption is more than just charity, humanitarian work, or philanthropy. it is the gospel being fleshed out in a very practical way. and the thing is, we serve a God who delights in justice for the orphan. scripture is so clear about God's relationship to orphans, not only in light of how he saves us but also in how he is grieved by the plight of orphans in this world. he commands his followers to care for orphans, to provide monetarily for them, to give them justice. scripture says God sets the lonely in families, he comforts them, he defends them. while our adoption into the family of God informs our decision to adopt, so also does the reality that as christians, we are called to be like God. if i'm to be like God, then i must be actively participating in justice for orphans because that's what he does.

what i don't want people to hear today is that adoption is the only way or the best way or the most important way to care for orphans. there are many ways to participate in orphan care...adoption is just one of them. as an adoption advocate, i believe that adoption is still very much needed in this world. there are 15 million children who have lost both parents. there is nothing preventative we can do for them. they need families now. i would tell any family on the precipice of starting a family or expanding their family to sincerely have an open heart to God about how he wants to add a child to their family. i truly believe God is calling more people to adoption.

on the flip side of being an adoption advocate, i'm also a birth family advocate. i want children who can stay with their birth families to be able to. that's where things like child sponsorship, volunteering in your community, and even foster care come in. if you can commit $30 a month to a child, you can provide food and medical resources that prevent birth parents from having to place their child for adoption because of poverty or illness. by volunteering as a guardian ad litem, you can be a child's voice in court to ensure they don't go back to an abusive or neglectful family situation. by volunteering with non-profits that seek to prevent child abuse and neglect, you can mentor a troubled parent and help them learn how to responsibly parent their child. by doing foster care, you can ensure a child has a safe and loving home until their birth parents are able to resume caring for them (or until they are placed for adoption).

and, in general, we all should be praying and being generous with our resources. the thing is, everyone will be called in different ways to do orphan care. but i do think everyone is called in some way (and if scripture isn't compelling about this, john piper will back me up). no one should feel inferior if their calling is prayer and another's calling is adoption. if you are doing what God has called you to, then you are doing enough.