the finances of adoption

i had a friend ask me recently: "why can't you just talk about your adoption without talking about money?" as i've thought about that question, i've realized something my pastor said about americans and money is quite true: americans are much more open about their sex lives than about their checkbooks. this, of course, is played out all the time on television, but i'm pretty sure it's playing out in almost all of my relationships. my friends and i can talk about all the intimates of life...just not money. it's not wired in our brains that we should be open about money. it's rude to ask somebody how much they paid for their house or their car or their new dress. and i guess some people think it's rude when i'm honest about how much it actually costs to adopt. why is that? why are we so secretive about money?

my intent here is not to answer that question, because i've got a lot of theories, many of which most people probably wouldn't want to hear. but i do want to make something clear: you can't really talk about adoption without talking about money. now, obviously, money is not at all the most important part of the adoption process. it is a means to an end, the end being our children. we cannot get to our children without money. that is the reality. it is one of the greatest struggles every adoptive family faces. right now, my friend leigh and her husband gray are in the midst of this battle. they have $8000 to raise in the next couple of months for their adoption (if you want to help them financially, go enter their amazing giveaway). they have to talk about the money because it is the one thing, barring the paperwork, that is separating them from their daughter. so when an adoptive family talks about money, it has nothing to do with making others feel guilted into giving to them; rather, it has all to do with them communicating to the world what it's going to take for them to get to their child.

so where does fundraising fit in? well, unless they just happen to have $20,000 lying around, fundraising is about the only choice an adoptive family has for getting the funds they need. i wish more people could understand that fundraising is not about us asking people to give us money. even though the money goes to us, it's really going to our children. it's not about lauren and jamie, or leigh and gray, or any adoptive parents. it's about the children and getting them home. it's about MG, liam and elijah, and every other orphan who needs a family. that is where the money goes. do i think fundraising is fun? of course not, because people ask me questions like "why can't you talk about adoption without talking about money?" but i think it's our only hope.

i do wish we could all talk more about money, though i think there's certainly something to be said about jesus telling us not to let our right hand know what our left hand is doing. adoption is shaking up our world, especially in regards to money. we are learning not to be dependent on it for our happiness or security. we are learning that the terrified feeling we feel when looking at our budget is exactly where God wants us. and we are learning that there is always room for repentance every time we think we've got it all figured out.