apology

yep, this is my second blog post in one day, but i wanted to make an apology. it's probably obvious to anyone who reads this blog on any regular basis that i have many opinions and state them rather sharply sometimes. in doing so, i'm often oblivious to the fact that some people might read this blog and take offense at the way i convey my opinions. so to anyone who has ever felt alienated or judged or unloved because of this blog, i do sincerely apologize.

i should say that i'm a very passionate person. the things i write about on this blog mean a lot to me. but if my tone sometimes seems angry, it's honestly because i am angry. not at particular people, but at the world we live in. perhaps when i write, it's easier to convey anger than grief, because if you could have seen me this afternoon in our car crying (as we sat in the home depot parking lot), you would know that i'm also extremely grieved to the point of weeping about our world. as our pastor said last sunday, i look around and realize that something is profoundly wrong with this world. and because of that, i'm in deep conflict with myself about the way my life is supposed to be lived and how it should look in response to this world full of pain, suffering, and poverty.

for all the posts i've written about adoption -- i have realized in the past few days that adoption isn't for everyone. and though i do still wish people would be open to it if it's something God does call them to do, i confess that so much of what i've written about adoption has been fueled out of my own passion for the cause. we have been called to adopt, and it's quite difficult to sit still and be silent when you know there are 150 million orphans in the world, and at least 2 of them are your children. but even more honestly, i will say that we have felt unsupported by some people in our lives, and that has been difficult. so perhaps many of my posts about adoption have been my own subconscious desire to try and convince those people that what we're doing isn't crazy.

i will try my best to more gentle in the way i say things on this blog from now on. i have been wreckless with my passion and good intentions at times, and again i apologize. i will still continue to post my thoughts about adoption and justice issues in general and this radical faith we call christianity. but let me assure you: i will be more transparent about my shortcomings, conflict, and grief when i write in the future. i do hope people read my earlier post from today. it's admittedly a "preachy" one, but i did tried to be honest about my own struggles and my own trying to understand how christians are supposed to be in solidarity with the poor and the least of these in our world.

ps -- i'm also positive that wfu divinity school has made me an angrier person. more on that in a later post.