8 months

yesterday marked 8 months that we've been waiting for a referral.

in many ways, time seems to be flying. jamie said the other day that it didn't feel like 8 months had passed. in other ways, though, things seem to be slow. painfully slow. i think it's because we don't know how close we have gotten to our referral in these last 8 months. based on the families i have been following, i don't know of anyone who has waited for a referral (for one child or two) longer than 12 months. so, in my mind, i think that if we can just hold out for half the time that we've already waited, we may finally know who our children are.

i must confess that i sometimes feel a little defensive when i tell people we've been waiting 8 months. i'm always afraid they won't understand the gravity of this situation because, you know, women carry babies in their wombs for 9 months, so who am i to act like 8 months is a long time? the truth is, it took us 9 months just to get on the waitlist, so we've been in the process of adopting for almost 18 months. certainly, if we had been planning for this, it wouldn't have taken us that long to raise money and do paperwork. but we had no idea God would call us to adoption first, so planning and saving weren't on our radar.

i say all of that to say that if you feel like God is moving in your heart about adoption, plan now and start saving. and seriously, don't let the money or waiting discourage you even if you've done no planning or saving and you feel like God is calling you now. i guess i just want to be up front about how difficult this process really is, but also to encourage people in knowing that there are many families just like us who are a testimony of God's grace and sustenance even in the midst of a lengthy and uncertain adoption process.

on a related note, i've been wanting to write a little feature about foster care. and it seems like this is an appropriate time because maybe someone out there is wondering how they can be involved in caring for orphans even when they know adoption is not for them.

i recently became more aware of all the ins and outs of foster care because our friends, brian and sarah, just became foster parents for the first time to a 9-year-old girl. after walking with them through their process, i have realized that on society's hierarchy of "real" parents, foster parents fall even below adoptive parents. society so often discounts adoptive parents because we have no biological connection to our children. but we at least get some credibility back because, once an adoption is finalized, it is permanent.

but foster care is often not a permanent situation (though, it can lead to adoption in some cases). a child is placed in foster care by the department of social services when the child has been neglected and/or abused by his/her birth parent(s) (or other guardian). the purpose of foster care is to ensure a child has a safe and stable home where his/her needs (both physical and emotional) are being met in appropriate ways by foster parents until a permanent home is established for the child. often, the assumption in foster care is that the birth parent(s) might be able to get themselves together enough to actually parent their child.

so because foster care isn't typically viewed as a permanent situation, most foster parents get the shaft when it comes to receiving the recognition of being a parent. but the truth is, they are parents in every sense of the word. about a week after their foster daughter came to live with them, sarah told us that she overheard her tell a friend that she needed to go show her mom whatever it was they were playing with. and it hit sarah that yes, she was as close to a mom as this little 9-year-old girl had.

and while they have no clue how this situation will play out, brian and sarah will keep taking her to school each day, encouraging her burgeoning interest in karate, teaching her good manners, providing her with nutritious meals, loving her unconditionally, and giving her a safe home because that's what parents do. love. empower. provide. correct. teach.

if you are interested in foster care, i'd encourage you to contact your local DSS for more information. or you can leave a comment, and i can put you in contact with brian and sarah if you have questions about what day-to-day life as a foster parent looks like.