a job to be passionate about

ever since i can remember, i've dreamed of having a job i am passionate about.

when i was younger, i wanted to be an astronomer. or an astronaut. i had no clue if those jobs made much money, but i was intrigued by planets and stars (and still am). unfortunately, around the fifth grade, i realized that i was horrible at math and got motion sick on about any moving apparatus other than a car.

in high school and early in college, i aspired to be a star journalist. i worked at my hometown newspaper off and on for 4 years. during my senior year of high school, i did a huge project on broadcast journalism and shadowed a few news anchors. i suddenly had dreams of becoming the "conservative couric" -- a katie couric for the evangelical, politically-right-leaning crowd. but then i realized that while i was skilled at writing (and talking), i had no desire to always jump up and go when a story broke (and i couldn't pass beginner's economics which was required to get into journalism school at unc. see, i really am bad at math).

through all of this, my dad reminded me that being passionate about your career was a bit overrated. think about retirement and what you'll need when you get old, he would say. he would also gently remind me that he wasn't peeing-in-his-pants excited every morning to get to work, but he went because it provided for our family and ensured the he and my mom wouldn't be inextricably dependent on the government from age 65 and onward.

so i thought on these things and did what any idealist would do: i took the "little miss sunshine" approach to life (i love that movie) and i decided to "do what you love and f*** the rest" (my favorite quote from the move. see, i am an idealist). i hitched the first ride to wake forest divinity school and decided to pay a bunch of money to become a minister. i had no clue how everything would work out, but i knew i had to do it.

fast forward 3.5 years, and i'm currently filing claims at a mortgage insurance company as a temporary job until i actually do i have a job that i'm passionate about -- motherhood. being a stay-at-home mom is not ever what i dreamed would be my full-time, i'm-so-excited-to-go-to-work-today job (and, trust me, i don't really think it will always be an i'm-so-excited-to-go-to-work-today kind of job), but it's a personal decision that we have made because we think it's best for our family.

in the meantime, i am thankful that the pastoral staff at our church has allowed me the opportunity to do the welcome and announcements for our congregation at least once a month. it doesn't seem like a big deal -- welcome guests, tell everybody what's in the bulletin, mention that we like to pray, and explain why we take up an offering. but, as someone who gets a serious rush of adrenaline (some might call it the holy spirit) when talking about the gospel and how christ has redeemed us to be compassionate, generous, and merciful to our very broken world, this opportunity is such a privilege for me (maybe there's a blog post in my future about my thoughts on women and church leadership).

the truth is, none of this may prepare me for retirement or old age or terrible calamity. and while i think prudence and practicality are important (because God doesn't give us a brain for nothing), i think we worship those attributes just as much as we idolize adventure and passion. we live in a hypocritical culture that is married to the "carpe diem" attitude while having an illicit affair with security. my hope is that my idealist self won't get caught up in being passionate about being passionate, but rather in being passionate about what God wants me to do. i have a lot of dreams for our family -- dreams involving africa and changing the world and throwing security to the wind. but God may never open those doors (and sometimes, i secretly hope he won't because even though i'm an idealist, i'm also a scaredy-cat).

for now, i am thankful that God has been abudantly gracious to give me things to be passionate about and to allow me to live out those things in my daily life. what is left for me to do is be obedient in those things and continue to trust, listen, and wait.