the things people say

last night, i went to my first training session to become a guardian ad litem. gal is a volunteer program that seeks to ensure that children have a voice in court when allegations of abuse and neglect are brought against their parents. in many of these cases, the court is trying to make a judgment about whether the child can be placed back with their parents, placed with a relative, or placed in foster care [and perhaps eventually adopted]. as a gal, my job will be to get to know the child and his/her situation well enough that i can represent the child's best interest before a judge. i will actually write a report where i make recommendations to the judge about what i think is the best course of action for the child.

so at the meeting last night, we did an activity where the gal director asked us to agree or disagree with various "value statements" she presented. she wanted us to see that we all possess different views and are biased towards our own opinions [duh]. many of the statements were controversial:

"i think the judicial system system is unfair to people of color." [i agree]
"i think people on welfare are generally lazy." [i disagree]
"i think homosexual couples should be able to adopt." [i agree]

the statement that caused the biggest stir was the last one. i'm not going to give you my whole story about why i agree with that statement, except to say that i have a cousin, madelyn, who was adopted from china by two moms who love her very much. i think it's a real problem, particularly among christians, that people are more anti-gay than they are pro-life.

the woman who strongly disagreed with homosexuals adopting didn't take issue with the gay lifestyle from a moral standpoint. instead, she took issue with the lifestyle because it is "alternative" and "just one more thing" an already "troubled" child would have to deal with. her point was that a child who has been abused or neglected by his parents and then passed around in foster care and eventually adopted should not have to deal with having "different" parents. her worry was that since society's perception of homosexuals is still mostly negative, the child would suffer unnecessarily for his parents' differences.

as she was saying these things, my heart was literally about to beat out of my chest. i kind of wanted to punch that lady out. i understood what she was saying, but i couldn't help but think that by following the logic she was using, we would have to come to the conclusion that a lot of other people shouldn't be able to adopt. so i raised my hand and told the group that as the mother-to-be of 2 children who will be a different race than me and as the wife of a person with a disability, i'm troubled that this woman would imply that these "differences" jamie and i possess will be "just one more thing" our children will have to deal with and thus we shouldn't be able to adopt.

society still holds a lot of negative opinions about multi-racial families and interracial couples[need i bring up the justice of the peace who refused to marry the interracial couple because he feared for their future children?] i know my black children are going to be picked on for having white parents, but that does mean we should not adopt them. society also still holds a lot of negative opinions about people with disabilities. people assume that because jamie can't see, he must be stupid or incapable or an invalid. yes, my kids are probably going to endure some teasing from other kids because their dad is blind and needs a dog to guide him, but at the end of the day, my kids will know that their dad loves them even if he can't see them.

we should be realistic about how our "differences" will affect our children. but we shouldn't bow down to society's ignorance and intolerance and let that keep us from rescuing children from the hells of poverty, abuse, disease, and death. jamie and i are going to be freakin' good parents. even when society teases our children for having white parents and a blind dad, our kids are going to know that they are loved, provided for, and safe. and, to me, if you can provide a child with a stable, loving home, what "differences" you have shouldn't really matter.