a few weeks ago when we put in the offer to buy our house, we realized the money we had budgeted for the adoption was now going towards the house. and while that was a good thing since we are buying the house for the baby, we knew it might delay the adoption. i sent an email to our social worker, who i should add has already impressed me with her kindness, and asked how much our timeline would be affected if we couldn't pay our fees until september. she said december 2010 was the earliest we could travel if we waited to pay our fees. 6 months longer than we'd planned. thankfully, she told us we could pay one fee up front -- the home study fee, which is the most important at this juncture -- and wait on the rest of the fees until later. doing so wouldn't delay our timeline.
given the craziness of the adoption process, i know many people have a lot of questions about adoption and why we have chosen to pursue international adoption before having biological children. so i decided to answer a few of those questions at length in our blog, a couple today and a couple next time. i would also invite interested readers to check out this column i found in the ny times that focused on international adoption in light of madonna's recent attempt to adopt from malawi. as you will see, there are many critics of international adoption, who, in my opinion, criticize without providing a sufficient alternative course of action: http://ethicist.blogs.nytimes.com/tag/international-adoption/?scp=2&sq=international%20adoption&st=cse
why are you adopting before having biological children?
the simple answer to this is call. we have always known we wanted to adopt, but we feel called to adopt first. many people don't consider adoption until they try to have biological kids and can't. the problem is, with more than 100 million orphans in the world, the crisis will find little relief if everybody sees adoption as a second-rate option. too many people act as if adoption is an inferior way of having children simply because it's taking a child conceived and birthed by someone else and raising it as your own. but that, to us, is the beauty of adoption. the complicated answer to this question is that we have put a lot of consideration into birth order, and we feel it's beneficial to our biological children to be born into a family where there is already an adopted child. that way, having an african brother is normative rather than something to which they must adjust. furthermore, because an adopted child needs to form healthy attachments with family members, we think it's important to let him be the center of attention for awhile, especially since he will be the first grandchild on my side.
won't it be weird having a child that's not the same race as you?
one of the biggest critiques of international adoption is that it takes children out of their native culture. if you read the ny times article, some people have compared it to colonialism -- rich white people taking impoverished african kids and trying to assimilate them to western culture. jamie and i aren't naive to the complications of white people raising a black child. our child won't be immune to the racism that still exists in america, and especially in the south. but despite the issues of racism, this child will have more chances at life here than he would if he remained in africa. until we can solve the problems of AIDS and poverty in africa, international adoption is imperative. but it comes with a caveat. the critics are right about colonialism if those who choose to adopt internationally don't keep their child connected to his/her culture. we plan to teach our son about his heritage as an african and ethiopian. i found out that the official language of ethiopia is amharic, and i would like to learn some of the language. we want him to know about his country, how it is the second oldest christian nation in the world. we hope to encourage him to pursue interests in african music and art, like playing african drums for example. and when he gets older, we want to visit ethiopia so he can see his land and his people.
God is a God of the nations. and it is that wonderful children's song "jesus loves the little children" that reminds me that God takes great pride in all the cultures, languages, and skin colors of our world. for us, adoption is such a beautiful picture of the gospel. for one, it represents how God rescues us from despair and brings us into new life. but it also shows how wide, and high, and deep God's love is -- that it crosses all nationalities and cultures. and it is that same love that demands justice for the orphan.
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I often wonder if the reason why my husband and I didn't have children of our own (and didn't find out why that was) is because of the three little half-Hispanic beauties currently sitting in our living room, eating pizza, Nutter Butter cookies, and demanding milk. My nieces have lived with us for over a year now since their parents cannot care for them, and will likely be with us for quite some time.
ReplyDeleteTo say I applaud your decision to adopt, and the thought you've obviously put into it, is a gross understatement.